How do you say "Jackass" in German?

You'd think we'd learned, but... Nooooo, we've not! Thank goodness, huh?! Hammer's Heroes is back for another exciting season of missed opportunity & unintentional disaster on the racetrack. We've done exactly NOTHING to our 1983 BMW 320i racecar...although it needs some attention (brakes, MORE fuel system work and a fresh stash of used tires from someone's (yours?) Legends Car).

The date for the event is May 21-23, 2010 at Carolina Motorsports Park. We've applied & hope to make our not-so-glorious return to competition then.

Stay tuned for updates!

The official link to the event is here: Lemons South Spring 2010

LeMons CHAMPIONS! Well, sorta...

Dateline, Mooresville NC...

It's no secret that Bayerische Motoren Werke AG makes fantastic vehicles. That's one of the reasons we chose to race a BMW in the 24 Hours Of LeMons. They key to success in the endurance race for $500 cars is a good solid & reliable runner. While most teams decide to run the "E30" chassis (cars from '84-'89), or the old 2002 model from the early-mid 70's...we decided to jump in with a 1983 320i, chassis designation E21. In typical LeMons fashion, the E21 is the most unloved of the 3 series cars from BMW so what better car for us to attempt to endurance race?!

While Hammer's Heroes haven't broken the Top 10 just yet, the marque's consistency has earned it the LeMons' Constructor's Championship for 2009!

Congratulations BMW for an award most companies would run from!

Here's the official piece from LeMons' HQ...

2009 CONSTRUCTOR CHAMPION: BMW

Much to the chagrin of the judges, the relentless stream of LeMons E30s actually paid off in the end. Though plenty of Bimmers performed embarrassingly badly in '09 LeMons events, enough scored top-ten finishes to snatch the crown from 2008 champ Mazda. OK, E30 dudes, you've proved your point--now go get a Fiat and prove you can do it the hard way.

Hammer's Heroes...an interstate debacle? Perhaps!

We've had some success so far, running two 24 Hours Of Lemons events at South Carolina's Carolina Motorsports Park. Then, today I got the 2010 schedule. THREE times next year at CMP, but then I saw it...

October 9th & 10th, 2010 the Lemons comes to Gingerman Raceway in South Haven, MI...MY HOME TRACK!

It would be a fair amount of work to make it happen, but towing back "home" to race with some friends there could be an amazingly fun experience! It wouldn't be cheap. It would be a real pain in the arse. But, damn...what a great adventure!

Keep your fingers crossed & perhaps it'll happen!


LeMONS 2010 EVENTS

23-24 January: Auction-Weekend Gavel-Trap GP (Phoenix AZ)
Firebird International Raceway, Chandler AZ
"For every auction, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

6-7 February: Southern Discomfort (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Who says it never snows in South Carolina?"

20-21 February: Gator-O-Rama (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Slide into the pond. We dare you."

6-7 March: Sears Pointless (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Come crash where the stars crash."

7 March: Concours d'LeMons Crapfest & Track Tour (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Overlooking the lovely, peaceful cluster-F of LeMons' Infineon race."

17-18 April: American Irony (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"The chickens have come home to rust."

1-2 May: Cain't Git Bayou (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"Get your dash signed by Jürgen Shrimp, lovable mascot of the Louisiana Region Mercedes-Benz Dealers."

8-9 May: Goin' For Broken 24-Hour (Reno NV)
Reno-Fernley Raceway, Fernley NV
"A.K.A '24 Hours of Snake Eyes.'"

29-30 May: LeMons South Spring (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Still-crazy after all these years."

5-6 June: North Dallas Hooptie (Dallas TX)
Eagle's Canyon Raceway, Decatur TX
"Bringing bad driving, terrible cars, and arbitrary rule enforcement to the northern half of Texas."

19-20 June: Capitol Offense (Washington DC)
Summit Point Motorsports Park, Summit Point WV
"From the fine folks who brought you the TARP."

10-11 July: The B.F.E. GP (Denver CO)
High Plains Raceway, Deer Trail CO
"One mile high and 60 miles from anything."

24-25 July: LeMons New England (Providence RI)
Stafford Motor Speedway, Stafford Springs CT
"Official home of the Cranky Yankee."

7-8 August: LeMons Arse-Sweat-Apalooza (San Francisco CA)
Thunderhill Raceway Park, Willows CA
"And you thought winter was bad here."

14 August: Concours d'LeMons (Monterey CA)
Toro Park, Monterey CA
"Where the elite meet to greet cars that excrete."

28-29 August: Mutually Assured Destruction of Omaha (Omaha NE)
Mid-America Motorplex, Pacific Junction IA
"Endurance racing on the world-famous Ømahanebråskarring."

11-12 September: Yee-Haw, It's LeMons Texas (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Watch the crotch-rot and athletes-foot race for your kneecaps."

25-26 September: LeMons South Fall (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Just the tell the missus you're 'hiking the Appalachian Trail.'"

9-10 October: Detroit Bull Oil Grand Prix (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"This close, and Lutz still won't show up."

23-24 October: Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 (Chicago IL)
Autobahn Country Club, Joliet IL
"From the city where 'Whacker' has multiple meanings."

20-21 November: Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"By 'let the crapheaps roll,' we didn't mean 'onto their roofs.'"

4-5 December: LeMons Arse-Freeze-Apalooza (Los Angeles CA)
Buttonwillow Raceway Park, Buttonwillow CA
"Lots of Celebrities, but mostly the upper-case kind."

30-31 December: 24 Horas de Cuba del Norte (Miami FL)
Palm Beach International Raceway, Jupiter FL
"Presented by Havana-Negila, the original kosher-for-Passover rum."

Hammer's Heroes taste the Lemons!

Mooresville, NC
9/15/09
John “Hammer” Palazzolo
John@JohnHammer.org
www.HammersHeroes.com

A 27 year old German car. 24 Hours of racetrack adventures. 114 teams all gunning for one goal. 4 men joined together to have a run at it…

For the second time in six months, Hammer’s Heroes took on Carolina Motorsports Park in Kershaw, SC for the 24 Hours Of Lemons, the endurance race for $500 cars. The idea is to purchase & prepare a car while spending no more than $500 on the budget (outside of safety equipment). The Heroes pulled it off in dynamic fashion!

“We had only spent $47 in parts in the “off season” to get our BMW ready for this race” said John Hammer, the team principal. “Our expectations were higher than the Spring race when we ran 49th of 94 cars.” In the end, the Fall edition of Lemons turned out to be strong for the team; 55th overall out of 114 teams and 26th of 65 in their class. Hammer says “We had more fuel system issues which really frustrated us, forcing fuel stops every 30 minutes during the first 8 hours. We lost a lot of time doing that.” There was a black flag penalty against driver Andrew Anderson Sunday morning as well…to get out of the penalty box, the team had to find a penny, nickel, dime & quarter from 1983, the year of their BMW’s manufacture…the team lost 30 minutes begging for spare change among the crowd!

Ultimately, the team pulled together to nurse the ailing BMW to the finish; the brakes had warped, the tires were flat spotted, the engine was leaking oil and the temp gauge was pegged… “Taking the checkered flag under our own power was a HUGE accomplishment and I’m proud of ALL the Heroes; Andrew Anderson, Jim Ballard and Ed Calcote. I’d also like to thank Dr Bob Calcote of SmileScience.org for his support of our team, MSMAutos.com for the access to spare parts, Wickens Auto Repair for the great alignment & Safety Solutions for the Hutchens Hybrid that kept my head & neck safe. Also, to our families & friends who put up with us as we built the car & spent way too many hours in the garage making it run!”

Up next? You can bet the Heroes will be back for another Lemons race at a track near you! Follow the action online at www.HammersHeroes.com.

Lemons South Fall...Day 1 is complete...

...and Hammer's Heroes are still alive & kicking. But, not without issues. Fuel system troubles, metal on metal contact, brakes going soft, Ed's earpieces kept coming unplugged...

And at the end of day 1, we're in 39th position. Our team name is highlighted on the sheet to "See Timing & Scoring"...that can't be good. We'll check it out in the morning & see what's up.

I'm sending updates on my Twitter page; check it out for occasional updates: www.Twitter.com/JohnHammer

See you in the morning!

Well, Here We Go!

I'm as shocked as anyone, but yesterday's tragedy of a leaking slave cylinder turned out to be no real big deal. I made some phone calls & found one in Winston Salem (about an hour away) AND... my local parts store had one in their warehouse: "Give me yer credit card number & I'll have it here by noon" said Floyd. HELL YES! I got it after lunch, installed it in the afternoon, bled it before dinner & loaded the truck last night.

This is the 2nd Lemons race we've run the BMW 320i, so Jay (Lemons Head Perpetrator...yes, that's what he calls himself!) gave us a residual value of $425...giving us $75 to play with. As it turned out, we spent $9.95 on a quart of Bars Leak for the engine and $35.99 for a rebuilt slave cylinder. Heck, we've still got money left in the budget!

We'll be at Carolina Motorsports Park this afternoon for tech & registration, then take the green flag in the morning. If you'd like to come cheer us on... Wait, who am I kidding? Despite that, if you'd like to come, check out www.CarolinaMotorsportsPark.com for directions. No open alcohol while cars are on track (Yes, I have to post that for my friends!). This isn't a "free" spectator event so be ready to pony up a few bucks at the gate.

BIG thanks to...

* MSMAutos.com for stocking so many things for such a crappy car
* RaceKeeper.com for spotting us a camera system to memorialize our mess forever
* Safety Solutions (SafetySolutionsRacing.com) for the Hutchens Hybrid that keeps my neck safe in an otherwise totally unsafe car.
* Roger Sigears, who despite the car's crappy unsafe-ness (is that a word?), built a great cage for us to keep us in the seat
* Craigslist, Grassroots Motorsports, Wives, Girlfriends, Families & Co-workers who've put up with our crap up to this point.

Fingers crossed...here we go!

Nooooooooooo... You f'ing German POS!!!

A day & a half before the 24 Hours of Lemons, my 27 year old BMW's slave cylinder has died. Uuuggghhhh!